In the words of Moon Zappa….
GAG ME WITH A SPOON!!! BARF OUT!!!
I mean, come on Toledo!!! I’ve been w/o a television set for 2 months now, and yet I can’t escape knowing every intimate detail regarding the Tom Cruise romance with Toledo native, Katie Holmes. Katie, with whom I’ve had the pleasure of spending a little time, is as sweet as she looks; adorable, bright, shy, funny… Tom, well, he’s a bit of a whack-job from what I can tell. Scientology… um… read this… I don’t know if it’s legit or not, but…well… yeah.
I don’t know what’s worse, the corruption of this adorable, innocent, bright young lady, or the reaction of a city with the worst self-image in America to the pre-nuptial bliss. Here’s a quote from today’s Toledo Blade:
“I think it’s kind of cool that they’re engaged. It’s like if Katie Holmes is dating Tom Cruise, then it’s like Toledo is dating Tom Cruise.” John Wiley, 24, who works in his father’s downtown law firm, said although he’s not shocked by the couple’s engagement, he is surprised by the news that Ms. Holmes is embracing Scientology, the religion Mr. Cruise practices.
Even Katie’s father, a Toledo lawyer, is in on the schmaltz-fest:
“Anybody that has been breathing for the last 20 years knows about Tom Cruise,†Marty Holmes said. “It’s a very exciting time for everybody. It’s an exciting time for Toledo.â€
Sure, she had a poster of him in her bedroom growing up (If I hear THAT story one more time I may actually vomit), I’m sure she’s star-stricken. It’s fine that they’re dating, together, engaged, whatever… but is it really “an exciting time for Toledo???” Good Lord, people… An exciting time for Toledo would be the announcement that Toledo is no longer one of the unhealthiest communities in America, is no longer one of the top smoking cities in America. An exciting time for Toledo would have been if Owens Illinois had decided to STAY in the city, instead of moving to neighboring Perrysburg (of course, this was before the Cruise/Holmes news… maybe they’ll reconsider now, since it’s such a good thing for Toledo).
So, do I wish them well? Sure… why not. I don’t have a problem with the age difference, the religious changes, the PDA… Love is love… it’s as close as we come to God in this life. I just wish Toledo wasn’t so damn pathetic throughout this whole thing though. Granted, I don’t live in Toledo, I don’t work in Toledo, but when someone from “not around here” asks where I live, I generally say, “NW Ohio, near Toledo.” Near in proximity, but thankfully, not so close when it comes to mindset!!
4 comments June 18 2005 8:14 pm | Grant | Uncategorized
A) My brother might have a different opinion of “bright, funny, adorable, light, airy, chocolate-filled, low calorie” Katie.
B) “Granted, I don’t live in Toledo…” this line is still making me chuckle. The “Granted” part, at least. Maybe you should get on the horn with Ashton Kutcher, playing pranks on people around NW Ohio, then jump out of the bushes and say “Dude, you’ve been Granted”.
Or maybe its just me.
lol…Tony…I like that idea…
Yeah, G, I agree that whole “exciting time for Toledo” stuff is crap. And for her father to say that? WEIRD. I’m sure he’s probably thinking more along the lines of “the boy is a bazillionaire, welcome to the family, son”…
I’m just trying to figure out – if you’re not watching TV, how is it that you can’t escape every intimate detail of this romance between these two people? I myself do have a TV, but I seem to be pretty immune to it, because my television has buttons that allow me to turn it off or change the channel. Granted[sic], I happen to know that both Tom Cruise and (now) Katie Holmes are Scientology freaks, but that just happens to be because I, myself, am a Batman freak, and I had a very strange (and I’ll admit, unnatural) compulsion to see this movie as soon as it came out. Other than that, I think I’ve been pretty immune. Is someone forcing you to read the entertainment sections of the newspaper? Or are they placing billboards about this subject all over the highways of northwest Ohio? If so, that is one of the things I would be very interested in observing when I visit that land sometime towards the last week of July. I’m not trying to be snarky, just kind of bored in the middle of the night, you know. No malice intended.
I met her once. Yes, she seemed nice. She also seemed annoying as hell, which is why I pulled the “I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”