An old G-Rant
Back when I worked for CISP, I would occasionally write a column called G-Rants for our company newsletter. Here’s one of them with more to come:
I’m afraid I may sound like that Andy Rooney guy on 60 Minutes, but I’ve got a beef and I want to get it out in the open. Wyatt asked me if I could contribute something “editorial” for the newsletter, so here goes.
I hate the way people treat the English language. Maybe it’s because that was my major in college. Maybe it’s because, during a 3-day in-school suspension in high school, the principal forced me to read the dictionary for 6 hours each day. Or maybe it’s just because I’m a dork.
There are certain phrases, words, and expressions that are misused more often than they are used correctly. The worst of all offending phrases in my mind is “I could care less.” What the heck do people think they are saying when they’re uttering this drivel? Think about it for just a second … no really stop, collaborate and listen (no wait … that’s not what I meant). Think about that phrase. The person making the above statement is saying something completely different than what they believe they’re saying. The correct statement is “I couldN’T care less,” which means you care as little as is humanly possible.
Other instances? Seen, when you should say saw. Mute, when you should say moot. “Nucular” instead of nuclear. Writing the non-word “alot” or using the word “allot” incorrectly. Grab yourself a dictionary … visit www.m-w.com … think about what you’re saying. Listen to yourself.
<corporate-tie-in> To tie this into CISP, how many of us have actually met any of our clients or end-users face-to-face? I would hazard to guess that for more than 95% of our users, the only contact they have with us is verbal or written. That’s why it is so important to communicate correctly and effectively.</corporate-tie-in>
Ok … that’s my rant. I don’t want to sound holier-than-thou, I do it too, and it pisses me off when someone catches me speaking wrong.
I’ll leave you with one final thought from one of my idols, Steve Martin. I think he summed it up perfectly when he said, “May I mambo dog-face to the banana patch?”
5 comments August 16 2002 8:52 pm | Pepperguy | Uncategorized
I have for the longest time felt the same way on this issue. However, the more I experience the way people talk and the more I read about the way language evolves, I realize it’s an unwinnable fight. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
The purpose of language is communication of an idea from one person to another. And if the idea that the sender had in mind has been close to accurately transmitted to the receiver, then the language he/she used was correct.
Our language is always evolving. That’s why the English used in the 16th century is difficult to understand, and that used in the 10th century for example, is incomprehensible to us.
How about the word “Wednesday”? It used to be pronounced like it’s spelled, but now _everyone_ pronounces it “Wenzday”. Is that incorrect? Of course not. People will think you’re strange if you say “Wed-nez-day”. It’s just the way the spoken language has evolved.
It’s natural for us to want to have a “standard” English that always conform to some rules, but the truth is that it will change, and it’s just something we have to live with. The French and Icelandic language have organizations that attempt to standardize the language and prevent change. But change is something that happens and there’s nothing we can do about it.
Here’s one of my favorite anomalies of language that seems, well, wrong, but, dude, that’s just the way it is. Here’s the first eight cardinal numbers in Icelandic (nominative, masculine, accents and funny characters removed):
einn, tveir, thrir, fjorir, fimm, sex , sjo, atta
Here are the ordinal numbers (first, second, etc.):
fyrst, annar, thrithji fjorthi fimmti, sjotti, sjoundi, attundi
It’s like, don’t they know that sixth should be “sexti” or something like that? No, they don’t. Maybe it was like that at some time, but that’s the way they’ve used it for a long time, so that’s the standard now. (I’m not even going to go into the word for “second)
Maybe at some point, people will accept “could care less” as standard English for our meaning of “couldn’t care less”. That’s just the way it’s going to be. Maybe not pretty to us, but there’s nothing we can do about it.
I’d like to conclude by saying that I would prefer that people always use the version of standard English that doesn’t include “irregardless” and the “wrong” usage of “alot”. It still bothers me. But I also know that we will need to accept some of these changes at some point, because they will become standard.
I’m really seeing that now, as I’m trying to learn Cantonese, and the written and spoken languages are so incredibly different.
Anyways, I don’t really want to dispute your point, just add to it.
-mw
Oh, how I remember the Bob-isms…..comfortability?
And for the love of Pete, doesn’t anyone understand the difference between “your” and “you’re”…..
Hail to the English majors.
I think the whole contraction thing has people confused anyway. It could be that they are just too damn lazy to care, or were not taught properly in school. I know that as I was going through school, proper english was not something that had a lot of priority over most other things.
But then again if you look at our language, you see that because it’s always evolving (as greasepig commented) it is very difficult to keep up with what “should” be the norm. Is there something that “should” be the norm anymore? If there is, I doubt that I’d know what it is (there are probably 10 errors in this post). Obviously we could try to place blame on the school systems for not teaching kids the proper way, but placing blame ever really solves problems. So what do we do?
Great comments everyone. I guess the decline of the language might not actually be a decline at all…it’s just an evolution. “I could care less” is still just plain WRONG though!!
Another one that has been on my nerves lately is the plural of “index.” Everything you read says indexes. I thought it was indicies. SIGH…
My mother always used to say, “If you could care less, you would…”